Imaginary friends, sign by sign

Any child of any sign can invent an imaginary friend, and a great many do. A long study at the University of Washington found that by the age of seven, about two thirds of children said they had had one at some point, counting both invisible companions and toys that had become a person with a name and opinions.

What the sign tells you is not whether the friend will arrive. It tells you what kind of friend it will be, and what the child is using it for. Water signs and the air signs Gemini and Aquarius tend to invent the most vivid and lasting friends. Earth signs more often give a beloved toy a life of its own. Fire signs invent friends who do things: partners in adventure, rivals, sidekicks. And in every chart, the Moon sign has a large say, because the friend is very often built out of the Moon’s need.

What an imaginary friend is doing for a child

Before the twelve, it helps to see the jobs a friend does. They are the same jobs for every child. The sign decides which job comes first.

• Company. Someone to play with when nobody else is free, or when the real people are too fast, too loud or too far away.
• Practice. A safe place to try out being bossy, being kind, being brave, being the grown-up. The friend never gets hurt and never tells.
• A place to put a feeling. A friend can be scared of the dark so the child doesn’t have to be. A friend can be cross about the new baby.
• A story to live inside. For some children the friend is the main character of a world that runs, in episodes, for months.
• Control. In a life where grown-ups decide almost everything, the friend is one thing the child is completely in charge of.

When you know which job your child’s friend is doing, you know how to join in. A friend who provides company needs a place at the table. A friend who holds a feeling needs to be listened to. A friend who lives in a story needs you to ask what happened next.

The four elements and the friends they make

The element is the broad rhythm of a sign: fire, earth, air or water. Our guide to the four elements explains them in full. For imaginary friends, each element has a recognisable style.

Element	Signs	The friend tends to be	What it is for
Fire	Aries, Leo, Sagittarius	Active, bold, a partner in daring things	Adventure, courage, an audience
Earth	Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn	A toy with a life, or a friend with routines and a home	Steadiness, care, being in charge
Air	Gemini, Libra, Aquarius	A talker, often several friends, sometimes with odd names	Conversation, ideas, company
Water	Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces	A tender, private companion with feelings of its own	Comfort, protection, a home for big feelings

Fire: the friend who comes along

Fire children invent friends who can keep up. The friend runs, climbs, rides the tiger, fights the dragon. Sometimes the friend is the brave one when the child isn’t quite ready; sometimes the friend is the naughty one who did it first. Fire friends are often loud, named after something powerful, and introduced to strangers without warning.

Earth: the friend you can hold

Earth children are the most likely to give a real object a life: the rabbit who has to have breakfast too, the stone that is a baby, the blanket with a name. When earth children do invent an invisible friend, it tends to have a fixed home (under the stairs, in the garden shed), a bedtime and a set of rules. The friend is solid, even when you can’t see it.

Air: the friend who talks back

Air children invent friends for the conversation. The friend has opinions, jokes and a surprising vocabulary. Air children are also the most likely to have a crowd rather than one friend, a whole cast with different names who come and go. The names are often wonderful and slightly strange.

Water: the friend who understands

Water children invent friends who feel. The friend can be sad, scared, lonely or in need of looking after. Often the friend is the one who knows what the child feels without being told. Water friends tend to be private, long-lived and protected, and the child may be upset if a grown-up treats them carelessly.

The twelve friends

What follows reads each Sun sign. Read your child’s Moon sign too, because the friend often carries the Moon’s need more than the Sun’s character. A Leo child with a Pisces Moon may invent a gentle, sad friend nobody expected, and that friend is the Pisces Moon speaking.

Aries: the partner in adventure

Ruled by Mars, the Aries child wants to go first, and the friend is someone to go first with. Expect a partner in daring: a friend who is fast, brave and always up for it. Some Aries children invent a rival instead, a friend who can run faster or jump higher, and spend happy afternoons beating them.

What it does for them: an Aries child has more wanting than ability, and the friend can do the things they can’t yet. The friend climbs the big tree. Next spring, the child will.

How to join in: be impressed by the friend’s feats, then ask the child to show you. “Wolf jumped all the way over the sofa? Can you show me how?” Don’t slow the game down by asking for lots of detail. Aries friends live in action, not description.

Taurus: the toy who is a person

The Taurus child is the most likely of the twelve to make a toy into a friend. Venus rules Taurus, the sign of the senses, so the friend is often soft, worn and very much loved: a bear who has to be tucked in, fed and brought on every journey. If a Taurus child has an invisible friend, it is cosy and reliable, and it likes the same things the child likes.

What it does for them: steadiness. The friend is the one thing that is always the same, in every house, at every bedtime. A Taurus child who is facing a change will often hold the friend tighter.

How to join in: respect the routines. If the bear has breakfast, the bear gets a bowl. Never leave the friend behind by accident if you can help it, and if the friend is a toy, treat it gently in front of the child. To a Taurus, rough handling of the friend is rough handling of something real.

Gemini: the friend with a lot to say

Mercury rules Gemini, the planet of words and messages, and a Gemini child’s friend is mostly a voice. The friend asks questions, gives answers, tells jokes and has a running commentary on everything. Gemini is the sign of the twins, and it is also the sign most likely to have two friends at once, or a friend who is a twin.

What it does for them: company for the mind. A Gemini child thinks out loud, and the friend is someone to think out loud with when the grown-ups have run out of answers.

How to join in: talk to the friend. Ask the friend’s opinion. “What does Pip think we should have for tea?” A Gemini child will answer in the friend’s voice with great delight, and you will hear exactly what they think.

Cancer: the friend who needs looking after

Ruled by the Moon, the Cancer child is homing and protective, and the friend is often someone small to care for. A baby, a lost animal, a friend who is frightened of the dark and must be held. Cancer children also invent friends who stay at home, so that when they come back from nursery, someone was waiting.

What it does for them: a Cancer child practises being the carer, which is the role this sign grows into. The friend also gives them a safe way to show their own worries: “Bunny is scared you won’t come back.”

How to join in: listen to what the friend feels, because it is very often what the child feels. Answer the friend kindly. “Tell Bunny I always come back. Every time.” You are speaking to the child, and the child knows it.

Leo: the friend in the audience

The Sun rules Leo, and Leo children need to be seen. The friend is often an audience: someone who watches the show, claps, and thinks the child is wonderful. Some Leo children invent a royal friend, a princess or a king of the lions, which is not vanity. It is warmth looking for someone equally warm.

What it does for them: a Leo child can perform for the friend without the risk of the real room looking away. It is practice for being seen, and a comfort on days when they weren’t.

How to join in: be part of the audience. Ask the friend what they thought of the dance. Better still, ask the child to introduce you properly. Leos love doing introductions, and the friend, being royal, may have strict rules about how to bow.

Virgo: the friend who has to be organised

Virgo is the noticing sign, ruled by Mercury like Gemini, but pointed at detail rather than chatter. A Virgo child’s friend often has a very precise life: a set bedtime, a list of foods they will and won’t eat, a particular chair. Some Virgo children have a friend they look after with great care. Others have a friend who gets things wrong, so the child can be the one who knows how to do it properly.

What it does for them: order. Virgo children worry about getting things right, and the friend gives them a small world where they make the rules and the rules work. It is also a gentle place to put the worry: “Mo is scared the door isn’t shut.”

How to join in: take the details seriously. If the friend only drinks out of the blue cup, find the blue cup. Ask the child to explain the friend’s rules, and follow them. A Virgo child who sees their careful world respected relaxes a great deal.

Libra: the friend who keeps them company

Venus rules Libra too, but where Taurus turns Venus towards comfort, Libra turns it towards company. Libra children would rather do anything with somebody than alone, and the friend is that somebody. The friend is usually agreeable, fair, and on the child’s side. Sometimes the friend is the one who wants things, so the child can find out what wanting feels like.

What it does for them: company, and a safe place to practise disagreeing. Libra children give way easily with real people. With the friend, they can argue, choose, and win.

How to join in: offer the friend choices, and see who chooses. “Does Sunny want the red one or the green one?” Often the friend will say what the child wanted but didn’t like to say. That is worth noticing and honouring: “Sunny wants green. Shall we give Sunny the green one?”

Scorpio: the secret friend

Scorpio is a water sign of great depth, ruled by Mars in the old tradition and Pluto in the modern one. Scorpio children are private, and the friend is often a secret. You may only learn about it months after it arrived. The friend is usually loyal, powerful and protective, sometimes a little fierce, and it belongs to the child completely.

What it does for them: a Scorpio child needs a place that is only theirs. The friend is that place. The friend can also carry the strong feelings a Scorpio child keeps underground, such as anger, jealousy or fear.

How to join in: carefully, and only when invited. Don’t tell other people about the friend without asking the child first, and never laugh at it. If you are told about the friend, say thank you for being told. Trust is the whole thing with this sign. A Scorpio child who finds that their secret was safe with you will tell you more, about the friend and about everything else.

Sagittarius: the friend from far away

Jupiter, the planet of wide horizons, rules Sagittarius, and the friend often comes from somewhere else: another country, another planet, the sea, the far side of the woods. Sagittarius friends travel. They have been everywhere and have stories to prove it. They are often funny, a bit wild, and they say exactly what they think.

What it does for them: a Sagittarius child is always looking past the room to the open door. The friend brings the outside world in, and lets the child go on journeys in places where they can’t actually go yet.

How to join in: ask about the travels. “Where has Captain been this week?” Sagittarius children will tell you at great length. Also be ready for the friend to say very honest things about visitors, and keep a straight face.

Capricorn: the friend with a job

Saturn rules Capricorn, the planet of structure and effort, and a Capricorn child’s friend is often surprisingly grown-up. The friend may have a job: a builder, a doctor, a teacher, a boss. Some Capricorn children have a friend who is younger and needs teaching, so the child can be the one in charge. The friend tends to be dependable and sensible, and occasionally very dry.

What it does for them: a Capricorn child sets high standards for themselves and doesn’t like being seen to fail. With the friend, they can practise being capable, and they can be the expert, which is a great relief to a small person who usually isn’t.

How to join in: ask the friend’s advice, or ask about their work. “How is the building going?” Treat the friend’s job with respect. A Capricorn child often lets the friend be silly in ways they won’t let themselves be, and that is worth enjoying with them.

Aquarius: the friend nobody else would have thought of

Aquarius, ruled by Saturn in the old tradition and Uranus in the modern one, is the sign that does things sideways, and the friend is usually unusual. A friend who is a number, or a colour, or a talking lamp post, or invisible and also very tall. Aquarius children may have several friends who form a group with its own rules. They describe them calmly and in detail, as if reporting facts.

What it does for them: room. An Aquarius child likes to step back from the crowd and think their own thoughts, and the friend is someone who thinks the same way. The friend is also a place to try out ideas that the real world would find odd.

How to join in: be curious and don’t make it ordinary. Ask how the friend works. “Does Seven sleep? Where?” Aquarius children enjoy being asked real questions about their inventions, and they don’t enjoy being humoured. The answers are often very clever.

Pisces: the friend from the inner world

Ruled by Jupiter in the old tradition and Neptune in the modern one, Pisces is the sign of the open imagination, and Pisces children invent the deepest friends of all. The friend may be part of a whole world with its own places, families and weather. The friend may be sad sometimes, or tired, or unwell. Pisces children feel everything around them, and the friend often shows you what they have soaked up.

What it does for them: a soft place for all the feelings a Pisces child takes in from the room. When the house is tense, the friend may be upset. When someone at nursery was crying, the friend may cry at bedtime.

How to join in: enter the world gently, ask about it, and don’t correct it. If the friend is sad, ask why. The answer may be the real thing your child needs to tell you. The Pisces page says it well: a child whose inner life is treated as interesting keeps telling you about it.

How to join in, whatever the sign

Some things work for every child.

Ask, don’t steer. Ask the friend’s name, age, home and favourite food. Ask what happened today. Let the child do the inventing. The friend belongs to them.

Make small, real space. A place at the table, a seat in the car, a turn in the bath. These cost nothing and they tell the child that their world is welcome.

Don’t run the friend. It’s tempting to make the friend say helpful things: “Max says you should eat your peas.” Most children see straight through it, and some feel the friend has been taken over. Use it rarely, if at all.

Speak to the feeling, through the friend. If the friend is scared, lonely or cross, answer the friend kindly. The child is listening to every word.

Let the friend leave when it leaves. Friends often fade quietly, or announce they’ve gone to live in Spain. Don’t hurry it and don’t mourn it loudly. If your child wants to say goodbye, help them do it properly, the way ending a game well helps a child close one world before starting the next.

When the friend gets the blame

Sooner or later the friend will have spilled the juice, drawn on the wall or eaten the last biscuit. Every sign does this, and it is not lying in the adult sense. It is the child trying out what happens when something goes wrong, at a safe distance.

The signs handle it differently:

• Fire children blame the friend boldly and move on. Answer just as quickly: “Then Wolf can help you clean it up.” Done in thirty seconds.
• Earth children often blame the friend when they are worried they’ve broken a rule. Make the fixing easy and calm, and they will own it next time.
• Air children may argue the case for the friend at length. Enjoy the argument, then hold the line kindly: “Pip and you can both help tidy.”
• Water children may blame the friend because they feel too bad to say it was them. Reassure the feeling first: “It’s all right. It’s only juice. Let’s mop it together.”

In every case, accept the friend’s part without arguing about whether the friend is real, and give the child the job of putting it right. The friend can help. Usually the friend is very good at mopping.

When the friend is a toy, a pet or a story

Not every friend is invisible. Some children never invent a separate person but play out long stories with figures, or make the dog into a confidant, or talk to the Moon at the window. These are the same thing in a different form, and the sign shows in them just as clearly. A Taurus child’s bear, a Cancer child’s doll that needs feeding and a Pisces child’s long sea story are all doing the friend’s job.

Some children never have an imaginary friend at all, and that is just as ordinary. Their inner life finds another shape: building, collecting, running, chatting to real people. Our guides to how each sign plays and open-ended afternoons by sign show the many shapes that play can take.

Imaginary friends are a normal, healthy part of childhood play. If anything about your child’s wellbeing worries you, talk to your health visitor or doctor.

Reading the friend alongside the chart

If you know your child’s full chart, the friend becomes even easier to read.

• The Moon sign often describes the friend’s feelings and what the friend needs. A Cancer Moon friend needs looking after. An Aries Moon friend wants to act right now. Our Moon signs pages read all twelve.
• The rising sign often shows how the friend is introduced to new people: shyly, boldly, with ceremony or not at all. Read the rising sign in children for more.
• The Sun sign shows what the child is practising through the friend: courage, care, conversation, being in charge.

Put together, a child’s imaginary friend can be a small, living portrait of their chart, drawn by the child themselves. You will learn more from one long chat with the friend at teatime than from a week of asking the child direct questions. That is the gift of it. Make the friend welcome, and you are making the whole of your child welcome too.

Sources and references

• University of Washington: Two thirds of school-age children have an imaginary companion by age 7 Summary of the 2004 study by Marjorie Taylor and colleagues in Developmental Psychology.