The Scorpio baby

In the first year

Mars rules Scorpio in the old tradition and Pluto in the newer one, and both of them are about depth held under pressure. In a baby it shows up first in the eyes.

Scorpio babies often hold eye contact with an intensity that feels almost adult, and they do it with strangers, who tend to find it disconcerting. There is nothing mystical going on. This sign gathers information before acting, and at four months the only tool available for that is looking.

They tend to attach hard and narrowly, and they are frequently slow to warm to anyone outside the circle, but the slowness is different from a Cancer baby’s wariness. A Cancer baby wants the safe person. A Scorpio baby is deciding about the new one, and the decision, once made, tends to be final in both directions.

Their distress can be formidable: not necessarily louder than other babies, but harder to interrupt, with a quality of not being distractible. Techniques that work by changing the subject work poorly here.

The toddler years

Privacy shows up absurdly early in this sign, and it surprises people.

A Scorpio toddler may take the toy round the corner to play with it. They may have a hiding place, a collection they do not show, a strong objection to their drawing being admired before it is finished. None of this is secrecy in the adult sense. It is ownership: this is mine, including the experience of it.

Feelings in these years run strong and often run underground. A Scorpio child can be furious in a way that is quiet and extremely persistent, and it does not blow over on its own the way an Aries rage does. It resolves when something is put right, or when they decide to let it go, and neither can be hurried.

They are also intensely loyal to the person they have chosen, and can be openly possessive about them, which gets interesting when a sibling arrives.

Starting school

Scorpio children often take longer than average to settle and then become very settled indeed.

The pattern is usually a slow, watchful start, a period of looking like they are on the outside of things, and then one or two deep friendships that last years. They rarely float between groups. Teachers sometimes worry about the early phase and are then surprised by the depth of what forms.

The strength of this sign at school is focus. A Scorpio child who is interested in something goes all the way into it, further than the task asked for, and can be genuinely hard to pull out. The corresponding weakness is that they are nearly impossible to motivate on something they have written off.

Fairness matters to them in a fierce, personal way, and a punishment they consider unjust is remembered for a very long time.

If you are their parent

You are dealing with someone who will read you accurately for the rest of your life, so the relationship is best built on being genuinely straight with them.

Practically, that means fewer bright reassurances and more accurate statements. It means not pretending to be fine when you are not, because they already know and are now also learning that you lie about it. And it means letting them keep things to themselves without treating the privacy as a problem to be solved.

Give the intensity somewhere to go. This sign does well with anything that rewards depth: one subject taken seriously, an animal to be responsible for, a skill practised past the point where other children lose interest. Scorpio children are not looking for variety. They are looking for something worth committing to.

And do not be frightened of them. The intensity is not a warning sign. It is simply the setting this child came at, and pointed well, it is the making of them.

The two levers

Most evenings with a Scorpio child come down to these. One list is what brings them back to you, the other is what sends them off.

What settles them

• Being allowed to arrive in their own time, from the edge of the room, without being invited in.
• A straight answer, including the unwelcome kind, from someone who is not managing them.
• One person who stays close and does not ask them to explain themselves.

What sets them off

• A small lie told for convenience, however kindly meant.
• Being made to hug, share or perform for somebody else.
• Being read out loud to the room: telling a visitor what they are feeling.

Three small things to try this week

1. Tell them the truth, including the boring version

   That the injection will hurt for a second. That you are going out and will be back after they are asleep. This sign is unusually alert to being handled, and a single discovered fib does more damage to their trust than a difficult fact ever will. Being the person who does not soften things is a strong position to hold with a Scorpio child.

2. Let them watch from the doorway

   At the party, the class, the playground, resist the encouraging push. Scorpio children join properly once they have finished assessing, and the assessment is real work, not shyness. Interrupted, it starts again. Given ten uninterrupted minutes, they usually walk in and stay in.

3. Do not make them explain the feeling

   Asking what is wrong repeatedly will close this child rather than open them. Say what you can see, offer to be there, and then be there without the commentary. Scorpio children talk when the intensity has dropped, often much later and usually sideways, in the car or at the light switch, and the trick is to be available then rather than to schedule it.